"As thou hast believed, so be it done unto thee." -- Matthew 8:13

Negative thoughts are a sure-fire recipe for self-sabotage. The first step on the path to a happier life is to understand the true meaning of the words we say.

Thought patterns buried in our subconscious minds sabotage everything we do in life. They are so deeply ingrained that we rarely realize the destructive effect they have on our health, our relationships, and our work.

Whatever goes into your brain will come out of your mouth. When it does, it's already part of your belief system. Most of the time, we don't even make conscious decisions about what we believe.

Most people are trapped in verbal cages that keep them from living the kind of life that's truly worth living. In People-Reading: How We Control Others, How They Control Us, Dr. Ernst Beier shows how this happens.

By hiding in verbal cages, we avoid responsibility for not getting the results we say we want. Getting unstuck means coming to terms with everything that's hidden beneath the surface of the words we use.

The words are just the visible part of the iceberg. To get to the bottom of things, we have to understand the thought processes that lie beneath the surface.

"A good way of spotting a verbal cage," says Beier, "is to listen for descriptions of behavior that appear to give the speaker no choice." The following expressions are dead giveaways:

• I can't pay my bills

• I just can't get my business off the ground

• I'd like to, but I can't

Our words often reveal a conflict between our subconscious motivations and the needs we talk about. If I'm honest, I must admit that I can accept the invitation. My polite refusal conceals the fact that there are other things I'd rather do. My choice of words is cleverly designed to preserve the image I have of myself as a caring human being.

"Gee, I'd love to, but I have to do something." This happy compromise spares the other person's feelings--or so we would like to think--while keeping our self-image intact.

The problem is that we're lying--lying to the other person and lying to ourselves. At first glance, this hardly seems to be a life-threatening issue. But these things carry over into every area of our lives.

"I can't pay my bills" and "I can't get my business off the ground" are more serious matters. The simple truth we hide from ourselves is that we can pay our bills, but we choose to spend money on other things. I can get my business off the ground if I make a serious commitment.

Everything overlaps. Getting my business off the ground is the best way to pay my bills. I can spend more time marketing the business by choosing to do so. Then I'll be in a better position to achieve my financial goals.

The point is that we always have a choice.